Are your internal organs covered by large swaths of non-porous dermal tissue?
Sand adheres to internal organs that are not sufficiently protected. So if you don't already have one, be sure to invest in an intact skin (or skin-like covering) before you head to the beach!
Are you usually in a liquid, solid, or gaseous state?
Beach bodies should have a solid form.
If you primarily inhabit a liquid form, you may seep into the sand.
Beware! Gaseous bodies are generally shunned.
Tip: If necessary, place yourself in a carafe or other container to simulate a solid body.
Do you have a functional digestive system, including a usable mouth and esophagus?
A working digestive tract is crucial for enjoying margaritas at the beach!
Can your epidermis withstand contact with mixtures of sodium chloride and H2O?
You will probably encounter saltwater during your beach excursion, so having a body that can tolerate it is important!
Warning! Bodies that cannot withstand saltwater may dissolve!
Do you use lungs, gills, or stomata to fulfill your respiration requirements?
You need lungs to be able to enjoy the beach!
Aquatic creatures who rely solely on gills to breathe will be forced to remain in the water, mournfully watching everyone else down margaritas.
Plant-based organisms who use stomata to breathe are equally out of luck, unless a kindly friend is willing to transplant them into an easily portable pot and drive to the beach.
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