Erik and I saw Star Wars: The Nazi Anus Awakens last night and it was not a disappointment, mainly because I had very low expectations and wasn’t a Star Wars fan in the first place. I did feel pangs of sympathy throughout for true fans, who I imagine felt much as I did when I watched Peter Jackson’s film abortion of the literary delights of The Hobbit. I feel you. (I mean, Star Wars is obviously far inferior to Tolkien’s works in every way, but I’m trying to be nice here).
A few thoughts:
1. Could the Nazi-esque First Order emblem have looked less like an anus? Pretty sure yes, but I did appreciate the surprisingly self-aware internal analysis of the shitty production and crappy storytelling.
3. I kept thinking Supreme-Leader-and-absurdly-gigantic-hologram-Snoke looked like Gollum. I was right. Played by Andy Serkis, of Lord of the Rings fame. It’s one thing to copy-cat the original series, but to ape LOTR? No. Bad. I will not forgive that.
4. Vader Jr., AKA Ears, AKA Adam from Girls looked exactly like J.P., the Matrix-mimicking nerd villain from Grandma’s Boy and channeled the whiny teenage angst of Hayden Christiansen’s obnoxious Anakin. Also, having seen some episodes of Girls, I couldn’t get the image of Vader Jr. fucking Lena Dunham in the most awkward ways imaginable out of my mind. I must say, it actually lent depth to an otherwise dull and uni-dimensional character.
5. SPOILER, SPOILER, SPOILER.
You have been warned.
Continue at your own risk.
The movie’s already been out for over a week.
You can’t expect others to tread lightly forever.
Especially people like me who delight in your suffering.
I’m really being uncharacteristically benevolent.
Han Solo dies.
I actually experienced real emotion when I saw the scene. Han Solo was the only character in the entire series, original or later that I actually liked. Not only was he killed off, but it was done with pathetically little attempt to make it even interesting or relevant. Instead he was killed by his bratty son, who turned to the dark side for no particular reason.