I’d like to set the record straight for the good people of Westboro Baptist Church (you know, the ever-delightful God Hates Fags folks). They seem to be somewhat remiss in their understanding of the Almighty’s personal tastes. I have therefore taken the liberty of creating The Comprehensive List of Everything God Really Hates:
God hates winos and whiners
And bitches and ho’s,
Priests fondling minors,
And lettuce that froze.
God hates one-legged kittens
And smelly old shoes,
Moth-bitten mittens
And room temperature booze.
God hates people who
Pronounce the “h” in “herb”
And anyone who uses
“Friend” as a verb.
God hates library patrons
With overdue books,
And sullen old matrons
With sourpuss looks.
To the drivers who text,
And the people who smell
God says, Line up, you’re next
You’re all going to hell.
God hates people who lie
And people who cheat;
He really hates atheists
Who don’t bless what they eat.
God hates used plastic bags
And puddles of spittle
But he doesn’t hate fags.
Not at all. Not even a little.