Megsie

Rant:

Have you noticed that whenever a person uses their power to do something terrible, Christians say that person is “playing God”? They just tacitly admitted that God is an asshole!

I don’t disagree.

Warning, this will probably be offensive to any readers who are not evil atheists. You have been warned.

This morning I educated the Viking on a little Ecclesiastical tradition known as the Paschal greeting:

Me (gesturing towards a certain southward appendage standing cheerfully erect): He is risen!

Him: What?

Me: You’re supposed to say, “He is risen indeed”. All over the world today, people are in church saying that, and I just felt that we should participate.

Ah, what better way to celebrate the integration of a pagan fertility holiday and Christian tradition than with erection jokes?

I’d like to set the record straight for the good people of Westboro Baptist Church (you know, the ever-delightful God Hates Fags folks). They seem to be somewhat remiss in their understanding of the Almighty’s personal tastes. I have therefore taken the liberty of creating The Comprehensive List of Everything God Really Hates:

God hates winos and whiners
And bitches and ho’s,
Priests fondling minors,
And lettuce that froze.

God hates one-legged kittens
And smelly old shoes,
Moth-bitten mittens
And room temperature booze.

God hates people who
Pronounce the “h” in “herb”
And anyone who uses
“Friend” as a verb.

God hates library patrons
With overdue books,
And sullen old matrons
With sourpuss looks.

To the drivers who text,
And the people who smell
God says, Line up, you’re next
You’re all going to hell.

God hates people who lie
And people who cheat;
He really hates atheists
Who don’t bless what they eat.

God hates used plastic bags
And puddles of spittle
But he doesn’t hate fags.
Not at all. Not even a little.