I’m fairly convinced that Oprah is Jesus, reincarnated. I like to believe that Jesus has a grand ol’ sense of humour, and he’s just screwing around with all of us, particularly the evangelical, Left Behind-reading Christians who label anyone who disagrees with them as the Anti-Christ.
Here’s my reasoning.
Cross Analysis of Jesus and Oprah:
Oprah: Regularly gives goody baskets and/or Priuses to her audiences.
Jesus: Fed multitudes.
Oprah: Always spewing pleasant platitudes or pertinent parables to improve humanity.
Jesus: Preached the Beatitudes and spun out many a parable.
Oprah: Really fucking rich.
Jesus: Will come on clouds of glory.
Oprah: Is worshipped by the masses.
Jesus: Is worshipped by the masses.
Oprah: The girl’s school she founded had a sex-abuse scandal.
Jesus: Church he founded has had innumerable sex-abuse scandals.
Case closed.
