Tag Archives: Lent

Pondering: Laziness

April 4, 2009

After weeks of quitting, quitting quitting, and quitting quitting quitting smoking (et cetera, ad nauseam) for Lent, I finally gave up on trying to keep any sort of blog about the whole debacle. It is frankly embarrassing just how difficult it was for me, a fairly casual smoker, to quit. The more I thought about quitting, the more I told people I had quit, the more I wanted to quit, the more I craved it.

It certainly didn’t help that the whole experience of smoking has always been intensely emotional and therapeutic for me, and since one of my roommates was also a smoker, at any given time I always had access to cigarettes (even when it meant swallowing my pride and acknowledging that I was failing… again).

Today marks the twelfth day in a row that I have not smoked, also, not coincidentally, the twelth day since I moved (actually thirteenth, as it is now after midnight). When I have to go out and buy cigarettes myself my craving is outweighed by my deep-seated and blessed natural laziness.

Which brings me to the point of this post:

The Three Greatest Things Laziness Has Done For Me And How It Can Change Your Life, Too
(Yes, that will be the title of my inspirational self-help novel, coming soon to a cheap-paperback-“Don’t-You-Mean-Augusten-Burroughs?”-selling bookstore near you)

1. I cannot maintain an addiction on my own power.
Smoking is a prime example of this, but also other substance abuse, namely, alcoholism: I love drinking, way more than is healthy for someone of my age with my history of liver damage. Thankfully, though, I’m so lazy that unless someone else is providing the booze, I am unlikely to indulge excessively. One could make the point that this is more due to stinginess than laziness, but the less I spend, the less I have to work.

2. I avoid many unnecessary altercations.
You may be surprised (alarmed, perhaps) to learn that I am actually far more inclined towards violent overreaction than one would guess from spending time with me. Because most people would consider me a rather volatile person already, I would like you to know that there are many, many instances where I do not fly off the proverbial handle. This is not due to any sort of inherent goodness, but rather due to the realisation garnered from many, many years of flipping out: it’s a LOT of work to get that mad. These days I’m so tame that if you cut me off in traffic, chances are I won’t even flip you the bird. It’s not because I forgive you, it’s because I’m lazy.

3. I really can’t be bothered to think of a third point.

Laziness (or, “Sloth”) is considered one of the Seven Deadly Sins, but really, if it prevents me from committing the other six, can it be all that bad?

Also tagged , , – 5 Comments

It’s Still Lent and I Still Suck.

March 8, 2009

I’m quitting quitting quitting smoking (trust me, it makes sense. Mostly I just wanted to share my headache with you). Last Sunday I convinced myself that it was okay to smoke, because on Sundays Lent doesn’t count. Obviously, my actual goal is to quit permanently (except, perhaps, occasionally smoking socially), and allowing myself one day a week where all rules go out the window is NOT HELPFUL. I smoked way, way less than usual during the week (averaging about 1-2 cigarettes per day), but each time I just felt like more of a failure, which is a rotten way to feel. So, here’s to starting fresh. I haven’t smoked since Friday, and I’m officially done, always, regardless of Lent. Hopefully marijuana will be legalised soon, I could use some healthy stress relief. (I’m not just saying that to be flippant, the writing is on the wall: check out this TED talk with neurologist Dr. Dean Ornish).

The next few weeks will be so busy, I am tired just thinking about it. I have to pack, clean the house, plan several different events, apply for jobs, and hopefully make some extra money. I’m not terribly excited about it.

Also tagged , – 1 Comment

Charmingly Dysfunctional… Right?

March 1, 2009

It’s a good thing I’m not trying to give up Crazy, because I seem to have a surplus of it lately. I would offer a general apology to those who I may have offended recently, but, depending on what I did, I may or may not be sorry. However, if you are seeking an apology, I will sincerely consider your request, and may or may not issue one to you (see Terms of Apology below). The reason for this caveat being that there are few things worse than an insincere apology, except, perhaps, unnecessary bitchiness.

I’m having an interesting weekend, to say the least. Had a bit of a wild night on Friday. Went to Café Olé for a friend’s going away party and had a few drinks. My best friend and I might have made out. There might be an incriminating picture. That’s all I will say on the matter. Saturday I was hungover and wondered if dying via decapitation might not be nearly as bad as most people seem to think. I went to work at 6am, and then went to a spa day my mother was hosting, which definitely helped with the hangover. In the afternoon I helped Karissa and Austin move. We had a good time with it. Today I had coffee with some friends, which was delightful and definitely relieved some stress.

In keeping with my Lent theme, here is a YouTube clip of comedian Louis CK talking about the Catholic church. Please note, it is probably extremely offensive to a lot of people. If you watch it, and you are offended, feel free to blame me, I won’t really care. As far as I’m concerned, mocking the horrible actions of horrible people is laudable.
Louis CK Learns About the Catholic Church

Cheerio!

Terms of Apology:
Megan will assign a number to your apology request and conduct a random drawing Sunday, March 8, 2009.
The winner of the drawing will receive a Certified Sincere Apology™ from Megan.
No purchase necessary.
Must be a legitimate grievance to be considered.
Megan assumes no liability for her actions.

Also tagged , – 1 Comment

Lent, Day 2: Mortal Sins… Does Pedophilia Count?

February 26, 2009

Without a doubt, the worst part of screwing up is knowing that, if I want to maintain honesty with myself and in my relationships, I ought to admit my fault at some point or another. I recently learned from Mandi that, according to Catholic Doctrine, a “Mortal Sin” (for which one does penance in purgatory) is any sin which one commits in full knowledge that they are just going to confess it later. It’s a good thing I’m not Catholic, I guess, because I totally committed a mortal sin today: I smoked, and I justified it to myself because, hey, my body, my decision, this is a one-time deal, and I’ll admit it later, so that makes it alright. Right? Right? Not really. I definitely have the Catholic guilt thing down because about five drags into the cigarette, I was so disgusted with myself that I put it out.

I then I returned to my self-loathing pity-party. Due to the fortuitous alignment of the stars, I’m feeling worse than usual, and not just because I quit smoking, so I was more than a little testy today. One of my friends called me on it in a manner I felt was not gracious enough, and I added self-righteousness to my self-loathing pity party. How dare someone question my right to gripe? How dare someone suggest that my problem was less legitimate, than, say, someone who had fought an addiction for twenty-plus YEARS and for whom the side-effects included, say, sudden death, not just shortness of breath and self-pity? It’s more than a little ironic that I began this experiment with lofty goals of self-improvement and self-consciousness, and not even two full days in I find myself reacting thoughtlessly and hastily. Ah well, better to be mindful now than not at all.

I found this clip of the comedian Louis CK on Conan O’Brien talking about how much we take everything we have for granted. Sure, the sentiment has been repeated ad nauseam, but that’s because it’s true!

On to my new Entertainment Section! I have a love/hate relationship with pop-culture: there are aspects of American pop-culture that I absolutely love (like Justin Timberlake) but hate the idea of becoming a screaming fan girl, so I express my love in a disdainful and sarcastic self-aggrandising fashion, coyly inserting the lyrics of a pop song into casual conversation in such a way that I appear simultaneously worldly and aloof. Why not indulge my inherent hauteur by mocking pop-culture, all the while secretly crying myself to sleep because while I’ll never be as popular as Britney, I still have a damn good shot of matching her in the crazy department. So, without further ado, I present my Pop-Culture segment:

I usually attempt to maintain a policy of not judging things without having first engaged them in one way or another, so, today, my policy involved watching two (2) videos of the Jonas Brothers. Now, I have ranted about them before, but I had never actually listened to a song fully, mostly because I hated the first ten seconds and felt no reason to torture myself further. After listening to two songs (okay, 1.5 songs), I can now state firmly and without equivocation that they are no-talentless hacks. That said, I want to eat up Kevin Jonas. He’s so fucking cute. I want to store him in a suitcase like a puppet and take him out for shows with my friends. As long as he doesn’t sing. Ever.

Tomorrow: Why Taylor Swift should be force-fed Shakespeare.

Also tagged , , , – No Comments

On the first day of Lent…

February 25, 2009

I prayed for one errant semi-truck and a swift, painless, death.

Day 1 of Lent: No smoking for 24 hours, and counting.

For those who are unaware, Lent commemorates the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, fasting and being tempted by the devil (Luke 4:1-13). Lent, as observed by Catholics, begins on Ash Wednesday (February 25th, this year) and lasts for forty days, excluding Sundays, and ends the Saturday before Easter Sunday (this site offers a decent explanation of the tradition for those who care to learn more).

I’ve insisted for four years now that I am not physically addicted to cigarettes, that I just use smoking as an emotional crutch. It may be time to revise that statement: I am, in fact, addicted and I use smoking as an emotional crutch. It is time that I acknowledge to myself that just because I haven’t smoked heavily does not mean the physical aspects of addiction haven’t affected me. That being said, I have mainly used smoking as a way to deal with stress, or, more precisely, to not deal with stress. I’m hoping that, as time passes this will become easier, and I’m definitely looking forward to being healthier, both physically and emotionally.

Although I am not religious, I have chosen to observe Lent this year because I believe there is value in asceticism. Since the earliest recorded histories, humans have engaged in fasting and other forms of self-deprivation as a means of accessing spiritual realms, pleasing the gods, or, very simply, to become more self-aware. My choice to observe Lent is deeply personal and of my own volition as I have no religious obligation to do so. By depriving myself of a physical pleasure, which I have relied on as an opiate for emotional pain, I hope to both strengthen and heal my mind.

“If the whole complex lives of many people go on unconsciously, then such lives are as if they had never been lived at all”
-Leo Tolstoy

Also tagged , – No Comments