Tag Archives: God

Pondering: Zombama

My brother Daniel (Elder Barry) is fond of saying that the only good politician is a dead one. I tend to concur. However, I’m becoming more and more impressed with our current president, which leads me to wonder: Zombie Obama?

Obama’s speech on HealthCare was phenomenal. It gave me thrills to hear the leader of our nation addressing the issues in such an incisive and lucid manner. (For those who haven’t yet, you can watch it here). I (briefly) had high hopes of actually devoting an entire, thoughtful blog to this, but given my current state-of-being (exhausted) I think I’d rather not. Suffice to say that although Obama’s promised Health Care plan was NOT one of the reasons why I voted for him (and was, in fact, one thing which gave me pause when I finally did choose to vote for him, because OMFG! RED SCARE!), yesterday’s speech removed all but a few of my doubts and fears on the issue. I am cautiously optimistic about the future of health care in America. I believe we’re moving, slowly, in the right direction.

If only he’d stop ending speeches with “God Bless America”. I mean, I know you have to appease the masses, Mr. President, but really? Whose god? WHAT god? I’d rather he ended speeches with, “Live long and prosper”. Doesn’t that seem more befitting to a nation whose only true gods, through thick and thin, have been Health and Wealth? Okay, enough ranting.

On that note, tomorrow is Friday. Thank God.

If Life Gives You Melons…

Work is… work. I have forgotten, I suppose, after being unemployed for so long, just how much work work really is. It is tiring. At times it is stressful. All in all, though, it is not bad. My co-workers and managers are friendly, the customers are friendly, and, although I continue to do unbelievably stupid things, I have long since learned to laugh at myself. My latent dyslexia and social anxiety are perpetually conspiring to make me look like a fool, BUT I WILL TRIUMPH! Or, will I? (Dun, dun, DUN!).

As my aunt says, “if life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic”.

A Random Anecdote From Today:

Today I saw a god. He came to the coffee shop, ordered, and then sat in a corner until my adorable co-worker arrived, giggling about her date the previous night (with a different guy, I should note). After not-so-subtly staring at her for almost an HOUR, occasionally grinning his beautiful, celestial smile, the god finally went over to her and started chatting with her suavely. He asked for her phone number, which she gave him, then he strutted away, smiling the smile that made Helen forsake her husband. I comforted myself with the knowledge that this handsome creature, this god-made-flesh paragon, was probably as foolish and capricious as his divine cousins. He didn’t like me, anyway.

Dear God, What Were You Thinking?

ACT I, SCENE I

HEAVEN

Scene opens with GOD, chin resting on hands, pondering the latest conundrum presented to Him.

GOD: Hmm, so I have an order for a baby from a conservative Christian family who desire to populate the world with more conservative Christians… boy or girl, boy or girl…

HOLY GHOST enters, singing.

HOLY GHOST: I got the Power!

GOD looks annoyed, but continues pontificating to Himself.

GOD: Well, they already have two boys, so it seems that a girl would be in order.

HOLY GHOST: Amen, brotha. Praise be!

GOD casts the HOLY GHOST an annoyed look

GOD: Will you knock it off, already? Go sing somewhere else.

HOLY GHOST: Dude, chill out. Man, Heaven sucks. Can’t wait ’til Sunday when I can go hang out with the Pentecostals. They’re totally hoppin’, dude.

GOD [mumbles]: Glad someone’s willing to put up with you… Anyway, back to the problem at hand: a little girl it shall be, but what sort of personality? I suppose I could go with my usual sugar and spice… I mean, why ruin a good thing?

JESUS CHRIST enters carrying a brown paper bag that is twitching violently of its own accord

JESUS CHRIST: Hey, Dad, what do you want me to do with all this Crazy? It’s leftover from Mother Theresa. She wasn’t using it, so she sent it back. It’s still in top shape though!

GOD [smiling]: I know just where it can go.

[End Scene]

And that, m’dears, is how Megan came into being, much to the chagrin of my peace-and-quiet-loving, Bible-wielding, conservative Christian family. Blame Mother Theresa.