Dear Megsie,
My future parents-in-law act like baboons on a regular basis. What should I do to remedy this? - Soon to be Wed
Dear Soon,
Unfortunately, less-than-desirable in-laws abound, as yours truly has experienced firsthand. Megsie recommends that, rather than actively seeking vengeance against the offending party, one should simply wait until a natural disaster befalls them. Express public grief, and private glee. Few things are better than delighting in your enemy’s downfall.
If, for some reason your in-laws seem to be immune to the natural disasters and have yet to contract a fatal illness, feel free to slip laxatives into their beverages. A note of caution if you choose this route: be aware of your surroundings. If they are guests in your home, you might wish to avoid this tactic, as you will be the one who must clean up the mess.
Megsie, Vengefully
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Dear Megsie,
My 21-year-old sister is engaged. She recently got pregnant and we don’t know what to do. We are worried that she might not take care of the baby. What should I do? - Worried About Family
Dear Worried,
I’m going to assume that your sister is an idiot. The world is already overpopulated with idiots. I recommend an abortion pronto, then, take your sister to the vet and get her spayed.
Megsie, Offensively
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Dear Megsie,
I don’t really have any problems. Do you think my life would be more interesting if I did? - Drama Free
Dear Boring,
What the hell is wrong with you? Even corpses have more drama than you! I recommend you hire a hooker, contract a venereal disease, cheat on your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, cheat on your taxes, mug an old lady, and sing “I’m a little teapot” in your underpants in front of the police station. Write me back when you have some problems.
Megsie, Thoughtfully
