Note: In general I try to keep this blog upbeat, but every once in a while things happen that I believe justify a more serious tone. I promise to continue my lame attempts at humour in the future.
To my great disgust and sorrow, I recently found out that my ex, the Rapist (whom I have mentioned in previous posts here and here) just got out of jail for rape. According to the account I heard (which was from a mutual friend who spoke with the Rapist himself), he raped his girlfriend while she was asleep. According to the court records (which can be found here. EDIT: I fixed the link. Go to “Name search” and enter Last Name: “Langdon”, First Name: “John”. It is the 8th entry under “City: Moscow”) he plead guilty to battery and was sentenced to a trifling EIGHTEEN DAYS in jail. Excuse me while I vomit.
In the past, I have spoken about my relationship with John (the aforementioned rapist) in flippant tones in an attempt to make light of what was a very bad situation. I believe have I done myself and others a disservice. John is a sociopath and a dangerous person, and I guarantee that 18 days in a county jail has not lead to a change of heart.
Here, in brief, is my history with this person:
John and I had a very strange relationship. We were never officially a couple, but we were, at one point extremely close. We were in the same circle of friends through high school and our first few years of college, and in August 2007 John, myself, my two brothers, and two other guys were roommates. John moved out of the house in October due to financial circumstances and “spiritual concerns” (we weren’t holy enough for him). The two of us remained in contact and ended up becoming physically involved (forgive my semantic awkwardness, I don’t wish to say more than is necessary).
I should clarify that John never raped me (there were, however, at least two other instances I am aware of that skirted the boundaries of date rape, but the girls never pressed charges). On several different occasions he implied that he would rape me, though. One night, he told me that if I fell asleep he “couldn’t be responsible for what he did”. I stayed awake. His most recent ex apparently didn’t get that warning.
John was (is?) deeply religious in the most fundamental and fucked up way imaginable. He believed that all women were subject to male authority. Even though we were never technically in a relationship, John felt that he had the right to tell me how to dress, what I could and could not say, and what to believe. He refused to kiss me because he believed that couples “should not kiss before marriage,” but he was more than willing to do everything else.
He was physically violent, and had no qualms about hitting me, or threatening to hit me to get his way (although, to be perfectly fair, this was not one-sided and I usually struck first if we were arguing). He threatened my life on numerous occasions, and while he usually acted like he was joking, I never doubted this, and I was afraid of him, but fascinated nevertheless. If I argued with him, even when we were in front of other people, he would allude to killing me, but always in a tone that could be taken as a joke. He would often go into great detail about different methods of killing someone and disposing of the body. I believe he was obsessed with the subject.
Despite all this, I adored him. I made excuses for him. I loved him. He was controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive, and yet, I would have followed him anywhere if he had but said the word.
I used to view women in abusive relationships with pity that verged on contempt. How stupid could they be? I wondered. As stupid, it turns out, as I am.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to two very close friends who separately confronted me and begged me to end my twisted relationship with him.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please, please, please, CONFIDE IN SOMEONE. A friend, a family member, counselor, someone. Even if you think aren’t strong enough to end the relationship, let them help you.
If you have a friend who you suspect is being abused, talk to them about it. Being in an abusive relationship twists reality and makes it nearly impossible for a victim to understand what is actually going on. Having a friend stand up and condemn the abuser can sometimes make all the difference in the world. I know it doesn’t always work this way, but please, at the very least, do not be silent!
Thanks for reading.
