February 24th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
I love the snow. I wish we had more of it this winter. Maybe I just miss Idaho winters. No, not the drab pollution of Boise’s endless always-winter-but-never-sunny winters, but the gorgeous, magical mountain snows on alpine firs. Or maybe I really am the White Witch.
February 21st, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
I’d like to set the record straight for the good people of Westboro Baptist Church (you know, the ever-delightful God Hates Fags folks). They seem to be somewhat remiss in their understanding of the Almighty’s personal tastes. I have therefore taken the liberty of creating The Comprehensive List of Everything God Really Hates:
God hates winos and whiners
And bitches and ho’s,
Priests fondling minors,
And lettuce that froze.
God hates one-legged kittens
And smelly old shoes,
Moth-bitten mittens
And room temperature booze.
God hates people who
Pronounce the “h” in “herb”
And anyone who uses
“Friend” as a verb.
God hates library patrons
With overdue books,
And sullen old matrons
With sourpuss looks.
To the drivers who text,
And the people who smell
God says, Line up, you’re next
You’re all going to hell.
God hates people who lie
And people who cheat;
He really hates atheists
Who don’t bless what they eat.
God hates used plastic bags
And puddles of spittle
But he doesn’t hate fags.
Not at all. Not even a little.
February 19th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
Note: I spent the majority of my life (pre-Internet) without having any concept of sex and without ever having heard the word “sex” (or any euphemism thereof) uttered from the lips of my ultra-conservative parents; in fact, it wasn’t until my early teenage years that I finally realised the monkeys weren’t actually “wrestling” as my mother had explained. Truly an idyllic youth.
Chipmunks
Hamsters
Monkeys
Dogs
Horses
Otters
Rabbits
For the curious: breeding like rabbits entails bunny love, followed by bunny pregnancy, followed by bunny birth, followed by bunny infanticide and cannibalism. Apparently at eight years old, I was old enough to learn that rabbits eat their young, but too innocent to learn about sex. Huh.