I do not like people. In theory, they are fine. In actuality, not so much. There are few people that I like and even fewer that I actually care to spend time with. This misanthropy, coupled with my very impulsive nature, can sometimes make me volatile, to say the least. So volatile, in fact, that I hung up three times on the same person (in my defense, the bitch was unusually persistent).
This lady was so rude for no other reason than that she was a debt collector, and these people feel especially empowered to be assholes. “I need information relating to a garnishment. This call relates to a garnishment. Garnishment; garnishment; garnishment.” Each time with an irritating emphasis on the word, like it gave her magical powers. I told her that I don’t deal with garnishments and I transferred her to HR.
A few seconds later she called back, “I got a voicemail and I need to talk to someone about a garnishment.”
“Yes, I transferred you to the person who can help you. I can transfer you back to her and you can leave a message.”
“No, I need to speak to someone now about this garnishment of wages.”
I was so exasperated that I could think of nothing to say in response except, “fuck shit mother-fucker” - no pronouns, no verbs, or any remotely coherent thought. So I took the high road and pressed “end call”. Well, not so much the high road as, avoiding the ditch. The road I took was actually in a valley.
Five seconds later: “I need your address for a garnishment.”
“What is it for? Ship-” I was trying to ask if she wanted our shipping or mailing address, when she cut me off:
“It’s for a GARNISHMENT!”
I KNOW THAT, YOU FUCKING FUCK! Was what I wished to say, instead, I simply hung up, seething.
She called back: “let me speak to your manager, I don’t appreciate being hung up on.”
And I don’t appreciate dealing with pompous assholes.
“Yeah, I AM a manager” [click]. (Technically true, though not relevant to her request).
My aunt is a big proponent of the Kill ‘Em With Kindness theory. I’m a big proponent of “Just Fucking Kill ‘Em”. I frequently remind myself that, despite how nice it sounds, I don’t REALLY want all the stupid people gone. Yes, it would make my job and life easier, but incompetent people make it so much easier to be considered smart. Evolutionary theory number 165: it’s not survival of the fittest, it’s survival of the fittest PLUS whoever the fittest need to stand on to keep their heads above water. Idiots should be stacked like lincoln logs and used for self-betterment, and the clever people, the PATIENT people, are the ones who do this best of all.
Thus, I am trying to become more patient, not for the good of humanity, or because I think the idiots I encounter on a daily basis deserve my benevolence, but solely for the purpose of climbing higher. Patience as a way of gaining power.
A wise person once said, “don’t get mad, get even”. Office life is making me brutal.
