It’s my blog and I’ll rant if I want to.

(Also, I’ll make as many references to teeny-bopper chick flicks and overplayed sixties anthems as I damn well please).

1. I hate the way you click your teeth against your spoon when you eat, and that you slurp. While you’re thinking cheery soup-eating thoughts, I’m fantasizing about tossing your body into a river.

2. I hate that you say “What?” after EVERY DAMN THING I SAY. I already said it once, and you’re not worth my time to repeat it, so stop fucking asking.

3. I hate that when you’re with your friends, and a mentally retarded person joins your group, the average IQ of the group is actually raised.

4. I hate the way you make me feel completely worthless.

5. I hate that you sing The Star-Spangled banner loudly and off-key. I find you unpatriotic and offensive. Why don’t you just go have a baby with a member of Al-Qaeda while you’re at it?

6. I hate your hair.

7. I hate your indecisiveness. We can’t BOTH be indecisive, and I’m unilaterally deciding that you will be the decisive one. Unless (or until) I disagree with your decision, of course.

8. I hate that you don’t care about me.

9. I hate that I still love you anyway.

10. I hate that you’re so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.

Don’t take it personally. Unless you really want to, then, by all means, be my guest.