Me: We should get married.
Him: Bad idea.
Me: Why? You LOVE me!
Him: True, but you’d only be marrying me for my money.
Me: So? You could have affairs on the side, I don’t care. God knows, I’ll have affairs! How am I supposed to have affairs if I don’t have a husband? Otherwise, that’s just dating. Boring.
Him: Right, but it would be just my luck that your boyfriend would turn out to be some psychopath who would hunt me down and kill me.
Me: I would NEVER date a psycho… wait… uh, never mind. Point taken.
My ex the Rapist: doucheface, criminal, and now home-wrecker. Damn him.
You say potato, I say potahto.
You say tomato, I say tomahto.
You say Doucheface McDouchleton, I say assface fucktard.
That’s all I got.
You make me laugh.