Dear Megsie: Loonies and Losers

May 21, 2009

Dear Megsie,

I have multiple personality disorder with two personalities but it is really hard for me to tell them apart because they are identical twins. What should I do? -Man with MPD

Dear Crazy Person,

You clearly need more help than I am licensed to provide. I suggest you create a third personality that manifests itself as a psychologist and get some counseling.

Megsie, Professionally

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Dear Megsie,

I am completely addicted to watching the show The Biggest Loser. I TiVo it and watch re-runs over and over again while eating potato chips. I never leave my house, except to go to the grocery store. As a result, I now weigh over 200 pounds. I don’t know exactly how much I weigh because the scale broke when I climbed on it. Help! I need to lose this weight, but it’s too much work to try and get on the show. What should I do? -Growing Addiction

Dear Fatso

I can’t help you with your obesity issues, but I can offer a suggestion to end your addiction to The Biggest Loser: Imagine all the contestants naked and engaged in a blubbery, cellulite-ridden orgy of elephantine proportions. Come to think of it, this just might help curb your appetite, too. I know I just lost mine.

Megsie, Disturbed

Dear Megsie is a monthly feature written by Megan Barry. Megan reserves the right to edit comments for clarity as she sees fit, and/or laugh at your gross typographical errors. Email your questions to dear_megsie@megsie.com

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8 Comments

  1. uglygreensofa
    Posted May 23, 2009 at 6:14 am | Permalink

    I have to say that 200 pounds is not as big as you seem to think it is. I bet lots of Americans weigh 200 pounds.

  2. Megan
    Posted May 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

    It was a reference to some scales I’ve seen that only go up to 200 pounds, the implication being that the person weighs several hundred pounds MORE than that in order to actually break the scale, but is only knows that they weigh AT LEAST 200 pounds.

  3. Juanny Cinco
    Posted May 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm | Permalink

    For clarification purposes; to which of the personalities are you responding too in the first answer?

  4. Megan
    Posted May 24, 2009 at 9:40 pm | Permalink

    Juanny, whichever personality took the time to write, I suppose!

  5. Andy
    Posted May 26, 2009 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    Like your site : )

  6. Matt
    Posted May 26, 2009 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

    I HATE IT.

  7. Megan
    Posted May 27, 2009 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    Thanks, Andy.

    Matt, I appreciate your strong convictions and I am thrilled to have elicited such a vehement response!

  8. Juanny Cinco
    Posted May 30, 2009 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    I HATE MATT.

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