These are some of the stupid things I have cried over in the past few days. I’m telling you because I think it’s funny, but if you ask me if I’m on my period, or even IMPLY that I MIGHT be hormonally unbalanced, I will drive to your house, and hot-glue all the doors and windows shut with you inside. I know that doesn’t sound particularly terrifying, but just you wait… And no, I’m not on my period.

I cried because…

1. Internet Explorer force-quit on me, for the TENTH TIME in the last two days. Unlike Firefox or Chrome, this browser doesn’t even have the decency to restore the old tabs. Also, it’s ugly.

2. My cat decided to climb my leg, and made me bleed. Then, while I was clutching my mangled leg and crying, he bit my toes.

3. I drank the last bit of wine last night, and I couldn’t drive to get anymore.

4. I was cold.

5. I didn’t want to eat another fucking Ritz cracker, but that’s all I had at my house.

6. I want ice cream, but I’m trying to diet.

I justify all this silliness because there are many other stupid things that I DON’T cry about. Really, I’m a very balanced person.