Megsie

In case the title wasn’t warning enough, WARNING: THIS BLOG WILL BE ABOUT NIPPLES. And no, not mine. God no. My nipples are one of the last things I want to talk about on a public blog. Other things that WILL NOT EVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be discussed include bowel movements and the sex lives of my parents or any other middle-aged married folk. It’s called TMI, and I want no part of it.

That said, talking about OTHER nipples that are neither mine nor the nipples of anyone I know is perfectly acceptable. Today’s topic came to me courtesy of my Twitter-friend @TerretYeth who felt the need to share his dicomfiture with the rest of the Twitter world by posting this video of a topless cow girl swinging her quadruple-nippled breasts around to some weird techno-ish music. I gave you a synopsis of the clip, because you probably won’t want to watch it if you are offended by offensive things. Seriously.

So now I am thinking of nipples. Nipples are the least sexy part of the breast: they are weird and brown (or pink) and tend to look slightly malformed, lactate, and sometimes point in the wrong direction. Yet, for some reason, it is totally OK to show every part of the breast (the SEXY parts) on television, except for the nipple. Remember all the Conservative, Bible-thumping, FCC-invoking, family-values furor over Janet Jackson’s SuperBowl nipple-slip? What’s the big damn deal about nipples, I want to know!

I think nipples should be allowed free range. I demand nipples in my daytime television! I want to see them everywhere: on billboards, on television, in churches! Then, and only then, will our culture get past its ridiculous fascination with breasts. Only when all workplaces are topless will women finally achieve equality!