I’m fairly convinced that Oprah is Jesus, reincarnated. I like to believe that Jesus has a grand ol’ sense of humour, and he’s just screwing around with all of us, particularly the evangelical, Left Behind-reading Christians who label anyone who disagrees with them as the Anti-Christ.
Here’s my reasoning.
Cross Analysis of Jesus and Oprah:
Oprah: Regularly gives goody baskets and/or Priuses to her audiences.
Jesus: Fed multitudes.
Oprah: Always spewing pleasant platitudes or pertinent parables to improve humanity.
Jesus: Preached the Beatitudes and spun out many a parable.
Oprah: Really fucking rich.
Jesus: Will come on clouds of glory.
Oprah: Is worshipped by the masses.
Jesus: Is worshipped by the masses.
Oprah: The girl’s school she founded had a sex-abuse scandal.
Jesus: Church he founded has had innumerable sex-abuse scandals.
Case closed.
5 Comments
Don’t forget: Oprah has the Angel Network, and that Dr. Phil is her disciple.
I’ve been wanting to write a story about a future where Oprah is revered moreso than Jesus. One of these days…
Please do! That sounds marvelous! I will read it.
I believe that Ashton is Jesus. He has spoken few words, promised benefits for his followers, and the masses have come to him.
I think you will find that Oprah is Mary Magdalene. Media whore.
You are contradicting what my pastor says…
You must be a terrorist!
It might be possible but Even if she’s not, I like her style, for she does stuff instead of just preaching about it…
Sounds strangely like The Shack.