7 Words I Have Used Innocently (and Literally) That Make Boys Think They Should Put My Number on Speed-Dial in Lieu of the Phone Sex Hotline
(Or, “Seven Perfectly Good Words I Can’t Use Anymore. Thanks So Much.”)
1. Quivering
I say: “I was so angry I was quivering”
You hear (albeit somewhat less literately): “A shudder in the loins engenders there/the broken wall” and you’re NOT thinking about the fall of Troy.
2. Engorged/Swollen
I say: “The river was engorged from the spring rain”
You hear: “Come here, baby, let me engorge your river”
3. Blow
I say: “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” (while telling a story to a child, you pervert)
You hear: “I’ll give you a blow job”
4. Swallow
I say: “I saw a swallow the other day”
You hear: “I swallow!”
5. Erect
I say: “…And so they erected a statue in his honour”
You hear: “I’ll erect your statue”
6. Aroused
I say: “My interest was aroused”
You hear: “I’m hot and bothered, please, sexually harass me!”
7. Moan
I say: “the wind moaned in the willow trees” (Yeah, I’m super poetical like that)
You hear: “Mmm, baby, oh yeah…”
Bonus words from my partner in crime, Quintilian: Banana, yank, wood, poke, snake, puckered, come, milkshake, long, put out, thing, lube.
I feel like I can’t talk anymore. Mayhaps I should become a monk so I don’t have to…
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_89dhuVj5OXc/R53o-kKCtMI/AAAAAAAAAG4/O9dlBbRXgBc/s400/fn.CGSGG.jpg
or
http://haha.nu/creative/its-just-your-mind/
HAHAHHAA
Nice post…hilarious.
As a side note, every time I yell “I’m COMING!” to someone, I giggle a little inside.