ACT I, SCENE I

HEAVEN

Scene opens with GOD, chin resting on hands, pondering the latest conundrum presented to Him.

GOD: Hmm, so I have an order for a baby from a conservative Christian family who desire to populate the world with more conservative Christians… boy or girl, boy or girl…

HOLY GHOST enters, singing.

HOLY GHOST: I got the Power!

GOD looks annoyed, but continues pontificating to Himself.

GOD: Well, they already have two boys, so it seems that a girl would be in order.

HOLY GHOST: Amen, brotha. Praise be!

GOD casts the HOLY GHOST an annoyed look

GOD: Will you knock it off, already? Go sing somewhere else.

HOLY GHOST: Dude, chill out. Man, Heaven sucks. Can’t wait ’til Sunday when I can go hang out with the Pentecostals. They’re totally hoppin’, dude.

GOD [mumbles]: Glad someone’s willing to put up with you… Anyway, back to the problem at hand: a little girl it shall be, but what sort of personality? I suppose I could go with my usual sugar and spice… I mean, why ruin a good thing?

JESUS CHRIST enters carrying a brown paper bag that is twitching violently of its own accord

JESUS CHRIST: Hey, Dad, what do you want me to do with all this Crazy? It’s leftover from Mother Theresa. She wasn’t using it, so she sent it back. It’s still in top shape though!

GOD [smiling]: I know just where it can go.

[End Scene]

And that, m’dears, is how Megan came into being, much to the chagrin of my peace-and-quiet-loving, Bible-wielding, conservative Christian family. Blame Mother Theresa.